For Saying Yes

TW: Assault, violence

thefullmetalbitch:

Homicidal Rainbow

Transcript:

I planned a mass murder in a red notebook on an orange-yellow schoolbus

I don’t care that the earth is gorgeous green; I live in one shade of blue

So I never knew about indigo

And all my visions are violet—I mean violent

Color me homicidal, they colored me me homicidal

They beat me black and blue; I bled maroon, golden pus seeping out of my sore skin stained chartreuse on the football field

I never wanted to be a rainbow

To bend at the whim of thunderstorms, enslaved to lightning strikes at my insides

I’m afraid of sidewalks, side-streets and side glances, they see the colors

It doesn’t matter if I’m dressed in plain, they watch my walk

So I twitch and try to straighten and switch and I keep biting my tongue but that just strengthens my lisp

I can’t hide behind bathroom stalls, they always find me amongst black and white and ammonium and piss

I can’t forget they called me faggot and fruit and Tinkerbell but I thought that bitch had wings and I never once felt like I could fly

If I could, I would have flown away a long time ago but instead they clipped wings before they sprouted, they clip spines

I can’t be straight—I mean, I can’t stand straight held down by layers of toxic paint I bet they didn’t know

They were coloring me in, they were ETCHING HIT LISTS INTO MY SKIN—

She called me a FUCKING QUEER-

One.

You said I was going to hell

Two.

What I love is disgusting, okay.

Three.

You broke my nose.

Four.

I can’t babysit your son.

Five.

Dad said he’d disown me.

Six.

I’ll die alone.

Seven.

For every color of that fucking rainbow I put one bullet in my pocket and six in a revolver

I’ll rock them in a thunderstorm and they’ll bend to my whim, I’ll make lightning strike their insides, make them afraid of sidewalks

They’ll run their lips like I walk and we’ll switch roles

They won’t care that I liked pop music when I’m tuning heavy metal

I’ll paint the pavement red, dye their families blue, strip their skin violet and let them rot yellow and green

And I’ll stand behind indigo bars in a bright orange jumpsuit

And they’ll ask me why I did it,

And I’ll say:

I never wanted to be a rainbow. They colored me homicidal.

I don’t know how I feel about this… it’s terrible and beautiful. It’s an incredible poem, but I don’t like the violence it is grounded in.

(via belief-can)